Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
