Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
