wat bout pragnant strippers??
I am in a vortex of obligation.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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