So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize