Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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