don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
