wat bout pragnant strippers??
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
