just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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