handjob tips. give me some.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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