oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Your penis caused this!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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