I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
