Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize