where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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