Your tits are I can't wait for
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
