You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
