nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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