It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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