did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
