Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
