its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
