Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
