i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
