I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
