i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
