the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
they're like a gay fantastic four
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
