Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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