Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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