wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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