Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
My balls are so social today.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
