two words: eviction party
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
