Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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