and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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