She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
