Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
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I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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