I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
