I take back everything I said about communal showers
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
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