They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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