I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
