and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
