Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
