it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
