no, he came in my armpit
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
