OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
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It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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