return my video game
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
