I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize