last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
