hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
