I'll bet she douches with gravy.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
