He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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