check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
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