I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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