I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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