Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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