Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I bet he comes in French.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
