k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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