Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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