can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
