In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
