I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
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