If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
