Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
