Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I have already put on my inside pants.
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