i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
