I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
