I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
