So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Randomize
