she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
