do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
