Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
