booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
