So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We need to get me chipped asap
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
