He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize
