OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
