dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
