I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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