Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
