i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
