The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
