Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Rumble strips road head = magical
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
