They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
