I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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