Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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