Don't you send me to vm
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
