i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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