I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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